Saturday, June 19, 2010

oofda

Today is one of those days when I had bouts of feeling very depressed about my health (or lack thereof). I'm still not completely feeling better after last weekend's ear infection/nasty vertigo. I didn't feel up to driving all the way out to the stable by myself but my husband got home later than expected so we didn't make it out to the stable at the right time for me to ride my horse. We got out there right when the jumping lesson started which lasted the hour that we had alotted for me to be out there.

I just feel very frustrated because I didn't feel well enough to go out and ride my horse for two weeks and I'm still not feeling so great. It's been really hard to get stuff done these last two weeks and some of that time I've had to just stay in bed and not to do anything. Dragging my ass to work has been difficult and stressful. It really is true - if you don't have your health nothing else feels like it matters. I thought I was done with the endless back-to-back illnesses now that summer is here but I am apparently not. I've tried everything I can think of to make myself healthier (gone to every kind of doctor, take the medications they prescribe, take a million supplements, get exercise when I'm not too sick to, eat spicy foods and lots of healthy organic food ... etc. etc.) But it doesn't seem to change that I have a chronic illness and compromised immune system. That seems to always win out. Grumble.

On a happier note, at least it cheered me up to be out at the stable. I brought Girlfriend in from the pasture to at least groom her and spend some time with her and when I did, her pasture mate Ziggy freaked out. I used to bring in Girl all the time by herself when she was pasture mates with Doc and it never bothered him, but Ziggy has been getting progressively more and more upset if they're separated. Girl was a little upset at first and called to him a few times, but calmed down as soon as I started grooming her and Ilana (the teenager that rides her when I can't get out there) and a friend of hers were doting on her.

Ziggy continued to scream and call for her, sounding progressively more and more panicked and I wondered if I should've brought him in, but I didn't want to over-step the routine for someone else's horse. Finally Sheryl (the stable owner) came out of the lesson and asked me to bring him in because a neighbor had just called to complain about all the noise he was making.

Ilana and her friend walked out to the pasture with me and Ziggy was galloping up and down the pasture, shaking his head and jumping up and down at the gate. When I got to the gate his eyes look wild and panicked and he was sweating and the veins all over his body were sticking up. As soon as I walked into the pasture he calmed down a little. I gave him a couple pieces of carrot and put his lead rope on. Then as soon as we walked out of the gate he tried to bolt and I quickly pulled back on the lead rope and said, "Ho!" and for a second I thought he was going to rear. Then he just pranced the rest of the way to the barn, starting to try and run so that I needed to pull back on the lead rope and say "Ho!" and then his butt would swing out to the side and he would dance a little, but at least stay at a fast, prancing walk. He's a big thoroughbred too - at least a hand taller than Girl. So, I'm glad he didn't give me as much trouble as I thought he might. I don't like leading him to and from the pasture. I'd rather lead Atlas the wild Mustang off the BLM land, or Tyee the two year old who Juan always refers to as "the loco one". But they aren't kind of ... neurotic in a psycho way like Ziggy. He's beautiful and I've heard he's well trained for riding (I've never seen him ridden so I don't know) but he's so high strung and impulsive it makes me nervous. And I can't be nervous when I'm working with horses so I have to push it all away when I'm with him, but before I'm with him I get really nervous and afterward I can let all the nervousness out and think, "Ok - didn't go as bad as it could've!"

As soon as he got up to the barn he let out a call to Girlfriend and she answered him, and his whole body relaxed. Once I got him in his stall he had that look of someone who was calming down but had been extremely traumatized. I don't know what it is about Girlfriend - the other horse she lived with at her old farm would act like that too.

The jumping lesson ended in time for me to literally ride five minutes before my husband showed up to pick me up to go home and pick up our daughter. Even five minutes is better than nothing. And Ilana took over and rode her as soon as we left so she got to get a workout hopefully.

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