I have to go get an MRI tomorrow and looking into what that entails just seems to be making me more anxious than before I started looking into it. I've heard MRI's are hard for people who are claustrophobic, which I have always thought I am. But then I always thought I had a big fear of heights, but what I actually have a big fear of is being really high up without a belay rope and harness on. I'm fine way up high if I know that when I fall I'll just swing in the harness. So, I guess that's more of a fear of falling and getting horribly injured which is too reasonable to be considered a phobia. And I'm not afraid of getting trapped in elevators (of course I also haven't seen the movie Devil yet) but I am afraid of a huge earthquake and being trapped under rubble for days on end. I guess that's too reasonable of a fear to be considered a phobia too.
Anyway, I'm pondering if I should make myself a 20 minute music cd to listen to or if I should listen to my John Grisham book on cd I've been listening to in the car. Yes, I know, it's odd that I'm listening to a John Grisham book because that is totally not my style of novel. But my dad had a bunch of books on tape he said I could have for listening in the car and I needed a new one after finishing this god awful brutal novel that I got from sister-in-law. It was interesting, it was just brutal. So, Grisham has very two-dimensional characters that are at best old, tired cliches, but at the same time his writing is really good and his descriptions are very entertaining. It's good light reading (or in this case light listening). It's good for driving. And maybe for getting en MRI?
I am very interested in seeing what my brain looks like though. I'm assuming they're going to let me see the film. I'm a little nervous because what the doctor is looking for is an answer to the ongoing bouts of vertigo. The two biggest suspects are problems with my adnoids and sinuses that is causing pressure on my inner ear or - which I had no idea could happen - migraines. Apparently, if you have migraines as a child then a period of no migraines, it is possible to develop non-headache migraines that cause vertigo, vision disturbance and generally feeling ill. The scary-ass things they are looking for are M.S. (I don't feel like I could handle that diagnosis on top of every other physical problem I have) and a series of mini-strokes (better than M.S.? Maybe? But probably not!) I'm hoping for sinus/adnoid problems. I've heard getting your tonsils and adnoids out as an adult is pretty awful but not as awful as a diagnosis of M.S. At least my mom has calmed me down that vertigo is not a sign of a brain tumor. I've been a hypochondriac about that ever since my close friend, Terrell died of a brain tumor last year leaving behind a husband and young child (who for the record are doing great even if they are sad).
I do find the whole MRI technology very interesting. Who comes up with this stuff? Really, learning about physics is fascinating, but then going further to realize that people have actually come up with these discoveries is mind-boggling. Imagine being the person who came up with magnetic resonance imaging. Oh, what did you today? I came up with a way to see clearly into the neural pathways of the brain and be able to diagnose complex neuorlogical disorders.