Sunday, October 10, 2010

Guemes jealousy

I just found out that my riding instructor's boyfriend owns property on Guemes Island. I am so jealous. I asked him if I could put up a yurt and live there and he just chuckled. Apparently, he did not realize I'm kind of serious. I have to admit I've thought a lot about a large three yurt complex that instead of being covered with canvas like in our country or elk skin like in Mongolia, it would be covered in mud like the traditional houses in Wales. My husband is not so interested in living in a yurt though. Not even a fancy compound of a yurt.

After a week of nursing my poor sick little kid I got to spend a few hours out with my horse. I took my friend Tami who rode my horse at first and I rode Barney, one of my instructor's horses. I like how big he is because he feels big and solid and like there is lots of room to be able to stay on his back. I tried to go up in my jump position and it felt like there was a huge, wide horse under me, whereas with Girlfriend she is so narrow I feel like I'll slide right off. Of course I would never jump with her because she is so old. I need to get my health back on track and get my daughter's health back on track so I can get back to regular lesson and maybe start jumping.

Last night our daughter woke up around 3:30am screaming because her ears hurt. Apparently, that is not unusual for post-tonsils out. But it still shook me up after days of worrying about her. I gave her some tylenol and curled up in bed with her and felt like crying until she went to sleep. I feel like I need to just jump up and down and shake all the tension out of my system but I don't even know if that would help. I feel like my brain is trying to sort all this out and rationalize it my emotions are not letting me get off that easy. Kind of like this afternoon I looked down at a dead rat that had been on the edge of the parking lot for awhile and the rat's insides had liquified and the maggots were actually swimming in it. I thought it was really fascinating for minute and then a minute later my body decided it wanted to gag like it was saying "Excuse me - need I remind you that is gross!" I guess I don't get away with not feeling the stress of this last week. I probably just need a good cry.

But it also helped to get out and ride horses. Barney was a little more difficult to ride than Girl because I needed to use a lot stronger leg signals with him and we didn't have that "I just think it and she does it" thing that me and Girl have going on. But he also had a really nice trot, when I could keep him going at a working trot. He kept getting slower and I'd have to use some leg to get him going which I'm not used to doing. It was the same with cantering. He'd make it 3/4 way around the arena and try to break to a trot. I got a little obsessed with trying to make him canter a full circle around the arena without slowing down but then my friend wanted to switch horses so she could take a lesson. I got on Girlfriend and she got all ancy like she was going to run and I said, "But Girl it's me!" and her whole body relaxed and she let out a big happy sigh. I finally remembered to ask my instructor what level I'm at if someone asks - I was assuming I was at advanced beginner, but she said I'm definitely a solid intermediate now. Yay! I'm not sure if it's because my skills have improved that much or if I am finally a lot more confident. My balance is getting better too. I was cantering with Girl and she did a strange little step/bucky-sorta thing trying to gallop and me trying to slow her and without thinking I leaned back to regain my balance. I was surprised how well I managed to regain my balance doing that and it was a totally unconscious reaction.

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