Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Even if you don't celebrate Christmas I hope you're having a good day today. I love Christmas, especially now that I have a little girl to play Santa to and do up the whole tradition. I really like traditions and Christmas is one of the few that has been consistent my whole lifetime. There was a period in my life of ten years of not talking to my mom and almost twenty of not talking to my dad (until as adults they decided to ask me to go to therapy with them which honestly has been the dream of all my adult friends who have difficulty with their parents that their parents would even agree to go to therapy let alone instigate it - so how could I turn it down???) anyway ... it makes me so happy now that I can spend Christmas with them again. I'm also very grateful that any pain from mistakes they made in my childhood has healed enough that my time with them now is about enjoying each other's company instead of re-living old childhood wounds or acting out old patterns. That's a gift in life that I don't think many people get to enjoy so I am fully aware of how huge that is and how lucky I am.

So, big news for us. Yesterday we signed the contracts and if the inspection goes ok and the buyer's financials are ok we have essentially sold our house. Which is good because when I went to add another "Santa" present to the stash in the closet that I'd put away for my daughter on Christmas morning, I saw that they were gone. I called my realtor and my mom and asked my husband and no one had moved them. They were no where in the house and the only explanation was either at the open house or one of the thirty-some agents that came through when we weren't here - they got stolen. They weren't that hard to replace, it was just a punch in the stomach to think someone would steal a little girl's presents from Santa. But after my initial tantrum and complaining on social networking sites I realized that we have got so much and our life is so good that it really didn't make a dent in our life. But whoever took them has a pretty pathetic life and knows deep down (despite their justification that we are "rich" and they are "poor" so they deserve to steal from us) that they stole presents from a little kid and that is just a scumbag thing to do.

We went to a party across the street with some neighbors we are just now getting to know. I was a little apprehensive because I knew I wouldn't know any of their family and friends. It was neatly divided between a "hipster crowd" - folks who seemed perfectly nice, but were also very cool with fashionable clothes and lots of piercings and tattoos and were drinking a lot, and the family crowd - the host's siblings and their children. In the old days you would've seen me plopped right down in the hipster crowd because that is who I used to identify with the most, but last night I immediately gravitated toward the siblings and their families crowd and that was a great choice. I met one family who I spent the most time with who are the type of people I knew right away that we will be friends. And their daughter and my daughter totally hit it off.

One thing that came up - kind of a separating the wheat from the chaff as to whether or not I could relate to them - is how I fit in the picture. So, I explained I live across the street but we just bought a house in Woodinville. One couple wrinkles their noses and said, "Good luck with that!" and I asked why and they said, "It's outside the city limits. Why in the world would you ever live outside the city limits?" I said we were in the Woodinville city limits and they said, "Ugh! Not Seattle though!" And I figured they were nice enough but we were not going to have much in common.

I can't remember what I thought the magic of being "in the city" was when I was in my twenties. I did used to think that as long as I was in the city I was where I fit in and belonged. But as an adult I notice that no matter where I go there are people I relate to and people I don't relate to everywhere. And I'm not sure why I pushed away so many of my real interests like horses, gardening and nature because I wanted to be in the city where "my people" were. As though having piercings and tattoos and wearing all black were the main things to have in common. Sometimes I really regret my teens and how I gave up so much of my interests and who I really am to follow some nebulous idea of being "hip". But I guess that without that weird, shallow phase of mine I would not be who I am today.

I think it's easier now too. I think it's easier to be a girl with tattoos and "weird ideas" out in the country now than it was in the 80's when I was a teenager. Still, I wonder sometimes about the person I was for awhile there and how that person came to be and why she is so not me anymore (well, except for the tattoos and weird ideas part).

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