I seem to have caught my daughter's cold which I knew would inevitably happen but, ok, I had the delusion there for awhile that maybe this time I wouldn't catch it. Having a cold for me means that I can't take my Enbrel for my rheumatoid arthritis until I'm well again, and I'm already a week overdue so I am a sad, fatigued, achy girl today. I was relieved to learn a few years ago that fatigue is a very real and common symptom of RA so my periods of lack of energy throughout my life (always coinciding with flare-ups that throughout my 20's I thought were just repetitive use injuries from running or whatever) weren't just in my head, but at the same time, it kind of sucks.
Now that I'm done complaining. Sigh. I am heading out to meet my horse's vet after lunch today so that my horse can have her teeth floated. That means having them filed down so they don't get too long and end up making it hard for her to eat. She's a bit overdue for that. And she's waaaaay overdue for getting new shoes. My farrier has flaked on showing up to do her shoes three times now so I'm firing her. I just need to see if another farrier can get out this week (preferably). Horse's who wear shoes need new ones about every 10 weeks or so and it's been over 14 weeks! Poor girl. I rode her yesterday because she really wanted to get out and do some work, but by the end of our ride I could tell her feet were sensitive so I'm not going to ride her at all until she has new shoes.
Since I was gone for a week down in AZ and haven't had a chance to ride her much the last couple months with all the moving hassles, I expected her to be mad at me. The first year I had her if I didn't ride her or "mess with her" at least twice a week, the next time I saw her she'd turn her back on me in her stall and look back at me to see what I'd do. I always just moved slightly out of her way so she couldn't kick me (it seemed unlikely but better safe than sorry!) and stood my ground until she'd turn around again and walk over to me. But yesterday she was super snuggly. After our ride I took her saddle and bridle off so she could roll in the arena, and she walked out to the middle of the arena, kicked up the dirt like she does before rolling, then looked up at me all the sudden. Then she walked over to me and rested her head on my chest for a few minutes. I gave her some snuggles and a kiss on the nose and then she went back out and rolled. I like that she is so sweet and snuggly. And she always walks right up to me in the pasture like she's happy to see me. I could probably never catch Ziggy if she didn't walk straight up to me. But he gets so panicked at the idea of being left out there without her that as soon as we turn to leave he'll gallop across the pasture to us practically screaming, "Aaaagh! Don't leave me!"
So, I've been thinking a lot about who I am and what my beliefs are and how to define myself. Lately I've been reading a lot about and thinking a lot about things like the Homebirth movement and the anti-vaccine crowd. I actually get really angry about both because some good friends of mine who live in a rural area are having their baby at home without medical care and I believe that's dangerous. And well, the anti-vaccine crowd just pisses me off because it means less herd immunity from awful diseases. And I know a lot of people say measles is not that big of a deal but it ruined my mother's otherwise totally fine eye sight when she had it as a kid. And chicken pox can kill children with compromised immune systems (who can't get vaccines because of that). But at the same time, I am also viewed as "super crunchy" because I'm very opposed to how mass produced food is made and I think soda pop is a bunch of fizzy chemicals and why would you drink that? And a good portion of food made of chemicals and crap like high fructose corn syrup should never be consumed. And despite putting pesticides on my kid I firmly believe that pesticides are NEVER needed in a garden. And for a little TMI - I don't even use disposable "feminine protection" products. I use Glad Rags because you can wash them and re-use them and it doesn't fill landfills with plastic. I hate plastic. And much as I am grateful for the medical breakthroughs that animal testing has facilitated (including I'm sure the Enbrel that I use) I truly believe in my heart we as a species have no right to use animals for medical/cosmetic testing.
So I'm a hippie/granola/socialist/government-reform-supporter/carnivore/prof-vaccine/anti-homebirth/Christian skeptic. I find from my bad habit of posting on a lot of forums on certain subjects that I may be in agreement with the subject at hand, but then my freak flag of "living off the grid - anti-chemicals and plastics" comes through. Then I go and use Rid on my child to get rid of lice. But honestly, I was just going on advice of the majority of other parents on that one and after some research have found that they (and I) were wrong. So, I do slip up sometimes. So - more points to the "super crunchy" side of my personality - I found that Rid and those pesticide products are no more effective than natural products (or even the mayonnaise approach). And no I didn't find those statistics from advertising for a natural product - I found them from the EPA's study. But of course, then I still stand by vaccines. Which for more "super crunchy" points are actually Western medicines only real embrace of homoepathy in my opinion - using a dead strain of a "poison" to activate the immune system against a deadly virus.
I guess what I'm trying to say to myself and others who may read this blog - I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in the grand scheme of things. I seem to lean towards both sides of many arguments and though I tend to lean more toward "super crunchy" there are also issues very important to me that go completely against the norm of those beliefs too (mostly where medicine is concerned). I've always felt comfort in being able to "label" myself as something or another with a set of standard beliefs that fit into "the norm" but I'm finding it's not really possible to do that.