Wednesday, September 7, 2011

My dreams used to be so literal ...

My morning alarm usually wakes me up right in the middle of a dream and when I'm lying in bed trying to wake up (with the pitbull, two kittens followed by the 7-year old jumping on me) and I review the dream in my head it is always very literal and "real life" like.  Like this morning I was having a dream that I went to a party with my first boyfriend, Jon and we were seeing all these people from 25 years ago and were getting along really well (in reality he refuses to speak to me to this day ... such grudges!).  But then yesterday morning I woke up from a dream that actually did not make sense in real life.  My husband and I were driving home from work downtown and got onto Mercer Street and suddenly it turned into I-90.  In real life that would've been fine for getting home but in the dream we lived somewhere completely different so we were upset to be heading onto the I-90 bridge.  Somehow I managed to make an illegal U-turn before the bridge but ended up on the shore of Lake Washington by the Arboretum.  We had to get out of the car and stand in line with a bunch of people to wait our turn to get back onto the highway.  When I got in line the person in front of me said, "Where is your carrot?" and I shrugged and she said, "You can't get in line unless you have a carrot.  You have horses right? Everyone in line has a horse, so you have to have a carrot."

I blame the chronic pain I've been in from the Subacute Thyroiditis for my weird dreams.  And I'm starting to feel kind of depressed which I mentioned to my husband and he said, "Well, yeah, constant pain will do that to you."  I switched from naproxen/tylenol to ibuprofen/tylenol today so I'm hoping that combination will help more.  It occurred to me I should just break down and ask a doctor for some vicodin, but then it brings up the problem that those kind of pain killers deplete your natural pain killing endorphins and can make the pain last longer and hurt worse before it goes away.  I reminded myself of when I had a broken neck and after I got out of the hospital I only took rx strength ibuprofen. The first couple weeks were really hard and I lived for my next dose, but then the pain receded much faster.  I recall in the next couple years meeting people who had also broken their neck and how they had much worse and much longer problems with pain because they continued taking morphine when they got out of the hospital.  Anyway,  I figure I'm probably well into Week 3 of this nasty illness and it's only supposed to last 3-6 weeks.  And if I'm lucky it will only last 3 weeks.  Or at least start getting considerably better soon.  Ugh.  I made it through having a broken neck and counting the days till I felt better,  and I made it through morning sickness for 9 weeks and counting the days till I felt better ... I can make it through Subacute Thyroiditis and counting the days until I feel better.

Meanwhile,  Trainer V. called me last night to say Toadie's training lesson went well and she's not snorting and shaking her head so much.  Yay!  I'm going to go today and watch her training and see how she's doing today so I can see for myself.  I'll be very relieved if that situation has been resolved.  I should ride Girlfriend but I honestly don't know if I'll have the energy.  She'll survive if I can't.  I need to remind myself she hadn't been ridden much at all for about three years when I got her and she was fine.

I went in to work all day yesterday and managed to make it through the whole day and get most of the stuff I needed to done.  I could've gotten more done but we had a very, very long staff meeting because we haven't met as a staff for about a month.  I'm grateful I have a job where they are understanding when one is not doing so well physically.  At one point my co-worker Jen was talking about a lunch meeting we'd had in Bellevue with the Treasurer of our Board and she said, "Is that what you got from what he said or do you want to add something?" and I realized I'd been sitting there with my head in my hands not hearing a word she was saying because my head and neck hurt so badly.  Instead of admitting I hadn't heard a word she'd said I just said, "I'm sorry, since I'm not feeling well I'm having trouble focusing and I think it would be best for me not to try and comment on that right now," and everybody accepted that. Phwew!  Well, hopefully by next week my fog of pain will be lessened. 

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