I've noticed that when I'm perpetually worried (and thus not sleeping well) that I get annoyed more easily with people in general. Not my friends but with "humankind". Or the occasional neighbor who is just plain irritating or the dumbass on the road who passes me on the shoulder in his little turbo-compact-black-out-windows-toy because he's racing his fellow dumbass friend (yes, that actually happened on one of the back roads out here the other day).
Things are quiet again in regards to my horses and where I keep them. Trainer V. is no longer harrassing me (still talking behind my back apparently but that doesn't have much effect on me). It bugs me when I'm at the stable at the same time as her overhearing her doing her usual boasting and bragging but that it bugs me is my problem. So now without that drama, I am free to go back to my regularly scheduled worrying. Which is about money and how expensive it is to have two horses on my own (when I bought Toad I'd planned to share her and Girlfriend with T.) I'm feeling really guilty because such a huge part of our household money goes to *my* horses. Not the family's and not even me and my daughter's, but my horses. And I'm having a heck of a time finding another part-time job to bring in more money. I have my new little commission based job I'm doing for a friend but since it's commission only I am not confident I'll make any money. And I haven't had any time to work on it this week anyway. So, I'm feeling lots of guilt. If only I were Catholic I could go to confession and say some Rosaries and call it good. I'm not sure what us repressed, white Protestants are supposed to do to alleviate guilt. I think our culture dictates we wallow in it.
Speaking of my repressed, white culture, I took my daughter to a school dance last night because her friend, Diego wanted her to go. Well, and more Diego's mom asked me if we'd come and I haven't gotten to hang out with her for awhile. I tried to imagine a school dance at my daughter's school in the city and it would probably be with one of those local famous "kid bands" because some of the parents in the band have kids that go to that school. Which would be fine. And better than the alternative which would be ... I'm not sure. I'm trying to imagine the PTA Board in their matching little capris and similar haircuts dancing to *anything*. Anyway, since so no rock star parents who do kid band side projects have kids at our current school I was curious what it would be like.
It turned out to be really fun. They played the obligatory kid music a little bit: Katie Perry and Justin Beiber. But what they mostly played was Latino dance music. One of the PTA Board moms recently moved here from Mexico and is a Zumba instructor so she got out there and was leading the kids in all sorts of funky dance moves. Then some of the other PTA moms who take her class got up in front with her. So, instead of wearing the same clothes, the PTA moms take Zumba. I think I can assimilate better into that than going to the same salon and wearing the same clothes. I was looking at the little group of PTA moms up there dancing and realizing, they all are kind of short, look very strong and have that "don't mess with me" swagger (although they're way friendlier and open than at my daughter's old school) and I had this thought that just cracked me up for a moment, "My new PTA could totally kick my old PTA's ass." Literally.
Diego's mom and aunts and grandma were all out dancing so after an hour I finally got up the nerve to go out on the floor and dance too. They tried to teach me the shuffle but my feet just wouldn't do what their feet do. Diego's grandma put me to shame. My god. She has a figure like J-Lo when J-Lo's looking her best, was wearing a little short skirt and high heels and dancing way better than I ever could. Diego's other grandmother was there and she was much more refined and I'm wondering if that is a cultural difference between grandma's from Mexico and grandma's from Puerto Rico (since the few grandparents I've met from Mexico are all way better dancers than me).
It was also enormously cute to see all the grades school kids out there dancing. Diego is all about doing the worm and spinning around the floor - which was making his mom nervous. My daughter is all about trying to do that wave thing that break dancers do where they make their bodies all fluid. It was really cute because the kids had no inhibition and were just having lots of fun. I hope that sense of joy and inhibition can carry over into high school so they can continue to have fun like that. I remember a select few at my old suburban high school (the private city school didn't have dances). But that select few had fun at dances like that all the way through high school and weren't worried what people thought, they were just there to have fun. I'm really hoping my daughter and her friends can capture that spirit and hold onto it through their teens and not worry about "being cool" and holding themselves back worrying what others think.