Saturday, October 27, 2012

Freakishly disturbing dream

I had the most freakishly disturbing dream right before waking up this morning.  I was at a house that was familiar in the dream but not in waking life.  Something happened and my friend, Greg (from a long, long time ago) got killed by something - it never became part of the plot what it was.  But his face was mangled to the point of unrecognizable and someone told me not to look because of that because they wanted me to remember him as he was before he died.  So, I was supposed to stay in another part of the house (which now looked like my old elementary school) and my mom said she was taking care of the body so just to stay where I was so I wouldn't see it.  Then they told me they would have to store the body at our house for three days until someone picked it up but they weren't going to tell me where because they didn't want me to go look at it.  I asked if they could just tell me so I wouldn't accidentally stumble across it, that would be great.  Then it switched to they were leaving his body in a box out by the road so as long as I just didn't go out by the road I'd be fine.  Then I was looking out the window of the house I grew up in down a long driveway at a white casket sitting next to the road (sidenote: when my close friend Todd died he was buried in a white casket). 

Apparently, it took that long for the horror of a dead body being in the house to wane just enough for me to be hit by the grief that my friend, Greg had just died.  And suddenly it was my responsibility to track down his mom and tell her and tell his fiance - who I also did not know how to reach.  Just then I looked up (my house was back to being my elementary school) and my old friend, Todd (the one who died in 1995) was walking out of a door and down the hall.  It took me a moment to recognize him, then I started running after him yelling "Todd! Todd!"  He turned around for a brief moment and reached out to hug me just as I was saying, "You're not dead afterall!" and then he vanished.

Writing it down it really doesn't look like a freaky dream at all - but what was so disturbing were the feelings of revulsion about having to live in a house with a dead body hidden somewhere and then the overwhelming feelings of grief.  I haven't thought about Todd's death in a long time but apparently it still has some effect on my subconscious.

In other happier news, my horse seems to be feeling much more back to normal physically.  She's was a complete lunatic on the lunge line for the first fifteen minutes.  Every little noise that she heard (which wasn't anything different from normal slams and bangs around the barn) seemed to be an excuse to her to try to break free of the lunge line and go tearing and bucking around.  She finally calmed down and paid attention at the end of our work though.  And she was very good about getting her neck washed off where she had caked on mud.  She is none too happy about having the hose directed right on her neck that close to her face, but after she almost ran me over dancing around the wash rack the first time - and I had to give her a wack on the chest and firmly tell her to knock it off, she pulled it together and stood quietly.  Then she sighed and hung her head and completely relaxed when I washed her tail and back end.  I lunged her in the surcingle today to give her a little more sense of "working" even though we still aren't doing any of her actual bending or jaw softening exercises until her neck is completely healed up.  She should be back to a semi-normal horse again after a couple weeks of real work.

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