Monday, November 12, 2012

Hmmm ...

I have not been feeling well the last three days and it's starting to really irritate me.  I'm not sick I don't think, just not feeling well.  I just feel kind of "poisoned".  My stomach is slightly upset, my back hurts a lot and I have a splitting headache.  Kind of like a migraine that just keeps going and going day after day ... it's very annoying.  I'm taking enormous amounts of naproxen alternating with tylenol and it's only helping enough to keep me kind of functioning.  Grrr ... I hope it passes soon!  It came on coincidentally a few hours after taking my methotrexate on Thursday night.  I'm not doing that again.  I think there is a connection.

Now that I've complained I have to say there is A LOT going on this week.  Toad is leaving for Virginia tomorrow and I have to get her extra blankets and bridle and everything all packed up.  I am freaking out of course!  I'm hoping she'll be ok on the road, I'm hoping she'll be happy at her new home.  I'm hoping she won't be a nightmare when she gets off the trailer after three days and is totally freaked out.  I'm hoping her new owners will understand if she's temporarily a nightmare if she's super freaked out.

The reality is I don't think she will be.  In the last few months I've really seen evidence of a strong, brave horse poking through that untrusting, lost, little Thoroughbred I bought in 2011.  A couple days ago there was a new horse trailered in so the owner could use our arena and take a lesson with Trainer JD and that was all sorts of exciting for Toad while she was out eating grass outside with me.  Then Trainer K.'s horse (who was in the front paddock by us - he's a big, silly Warmblood) decided he needed to convince either Toad or the trailered in horse that they should play with him, so he started galloping in circles in his paddock and screaming and kicking his legs straight up in the air.  This of course made Toad jump and scoot, but after I got her attention she was very good.  She was quivering all over like she wanted to explode and run and buck right along with Trainer K.'s horse, but she held it together somehow while we walked back into the barn.  Unfortunately, I regressed a little because when Trainer K. said it wasn't a good time to try and walk Toad it flew out of my mouth, "Your horse started it!"  Yes, I am seven years old at heart apparently.  M. consoled me that it was understandable that after over a year of my horse being the crazy one having a moment where my horse wasn't the most crazy of the bunch was obviously going to be something I would want to point out!

I've been very sad on and off but also I know in my heart this is the right thing for everyone and Toad will be much happier.

I've been looking at Lipizzans for sale and most are out of my price range.  But today I feel so overwhelmed about Toad leaving I just can't handle any more stress like thinking about a new horse.  I'm kind of dreading that period of needing to work to build that bond again with a new horse and going through all the adjustments of getting to know each other again.  And it will be good for me financially to not have horse bills for a few weeks at least.

I feel like I'm sending my baby off to college (not looking forward to that in ten years!!!).  I know it's best for her but it is really hard to say good-bye!

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