Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I knew you were trouble when I met you ...

I have some of my daughter's music stuck in my head. Taylor Swift to be exact..  My daughter's Aunt C. in New Orleans gave her the latest Taylor Swift cd for her birthday and we've had to listen to it a lot.  It's actually better than the last cd I heard which only had one song I liked (because it's so damn cute!).  My point is that for the next few years I think I'm going to have teen music stuck in my head. It's not so bad because secretly I'm actually enjoying some of it.  This particular Taylor Swift song reminds me of being nineteen and getting far too involved with this guy in a skate punk gang who was at best manipulative and abusive and definitely has narcissistic personality disorder.  So, it speaks to my inner-teenager.  And god knows hopefully not my daughter's experience in the future! Urgh.

Oh, but the subject header actually has some reference to this blog post too though.  Coming home from work on Friday (while stuck in literally parked traffic on Mercer Street trying to get on the freeway) I was complaining to my husband about how angry I was at this new job because I was finally starting to get it despite being promised over and over again training which I never received (even though they hired me knowing full well I'd never even heard of the four new software programs I was using including the ERP system - and that I'd never used and ERP system of that caliber).  Anyway, I'd gotten the "I don't understand why it's taking you so long to get this? You need to learn how to be more organized. I just don't know what your problem is ..." talk.  I'd already told my boss numerous times "I need some training - it's taking me forever figuring it out myself" and he'd blow me off "just use the manual" (he had some idea that they have this magical procedure manual which tells you everything - which they don't but he refuses to believe it).  So Friday I was having a melt down about it to my husband who finally snapped and said, "Please, please tell me you have a deadline for how long you'll put up with this B.S. and then you'll finally quit! Your boss is a dumbass and it's starting to take a toll on me how stressed it's making you that they put you in such an impossible situation."  So, in good conscience to myself and my family I did decide this weekend I was going to quit I just wasn't sure when I would quit because I'm worried about money and I at least wanted to have another job lined up first.

But as today was looming closer and closer I *really* didn't have it in me to do any more work for them so I on Saturday I resigned myself to the fact that I was done and would probably quit today.  I put together any paperwork for them I had at home, took their company page off my "like" list on Facebook and started sending out a ton of resumes to anywhere I could think of.

Then I got an email to my home address from my boss saying I needed to call him.  It was already late in the afternoon and I was over at my parent's new place visiting with them.  I told them I had to call him before he left work (I figured he was going to fire me - and I was hoping because then I wouldn't have to feel guilty for walking out on them) and my mom said, "Just stay right here and call him and we'll be here for support."  It turned out well that they were sitting in the room because my mom said I was very composed and diplomatic and she was very proud of how I handled the call.  I did tell my ex-boss that it was good he decided to fire me because it took the pressure off me because I was going to quit (I didn't tell him I was going to take my stuff and walk out because I felt too guilty to do that and probably wouldn't have -  but it's what I wanted to do).  My ex-boss asked me if I had any feedback from them (I'm assuming he thought maybe it would be necessary since I was bookkeeper #5 for them in the last year it sounds like) and I had to think quickly. 

I could point out that they promised they would train me and it never actually worked out that they did (everyone was too busy - they even had a training scheduled my first day but it never happened because everyone was so busy) I could point out he said after the first month he'd provide training I requested but that only happened for literally two hours tops from another co-worker and an hour or more of that training was the other co-worker trying to figure out how she wanted to change a couple systems and clean up some of my mistakes I'd made while trying to figure out the software myself - so maybe 45 minutes of it was actual training.  I thought about saying it was insane to hire someone who says they need training, promise to give it to them, never do and then claim you did and tell them it's their problem.  But then I realized, he would not hear that.  He would just say "But we did train you. But you have the procedure manual. This is all because you're incompetent."  He'd just go into his strange little reality he's in regarding the admin. portion of his company and feel like a victim because for some reason bookkeepers just don't work out for him anymore after that one really good bookkeeper they once had years ago who was a saint and why or why are we none of us her??? Oh poor poor little man.  Ahem.  Anyway, I just told him it was something he was going to have to figure out on his own because I really had nothing to say to him anymore about it.

I got off the phone and was both relieved and extremely angry that I'd been put through all that stress for the last two months.  So, I just honestly told my parents, "I want to call him back and tell him to fuck off so badly!!!"  My mom reminded me to take the high road while my dad chuckled.  But now a day later I feel much better that I didn't tell him to fuck off.

When my husband got home and heard the whole story he said he was so sorry I had to go through all that but I could tell he was relieved I didn't work there anymore.  I asked him if he was worried about money and he said not really.  So he must've really not liked me being so stressed because he's usually the one more worried about money than me.  But as he said he was sorry for what I had to go through I realized how important this experience has been in my life.   The whole situation could've been a real mind-fuck (and apparently one of the bookkeepers before me had a nervous breakdown which is why she quit ... good lord ...) but I was able to see clearly where the B.S. was and to see what was my part and what wasn't and I was able to walk out of the situation with my confidence and self-esteem intact and know that I tried hard, I did my best and I actually did really well for the impossible situation I was put in.   And oddly enough, I feel more confident that I am a very smart, motivated and organized person with strong adaptive skills and will definitely do great in my next position - as long as I go into one already having the skill set for the job or going into one where they actually provide the training they promise upon hiring me.  So, though I think my ex-boss is a clusterfuck trainwreck as a manager and I never want to have anything to do with him again,  I can honestly say I am glad I had this experience and I know that I benefited from it.

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