I'm not sure if I spelled that right. I mean "reeling with horror" - you know, the image of someone careening down a long dark hallway, bumping into walls and muttering incoherently because they saw something nasty in the woodshed? Yeah, that kind of reeling. I don't mean "reeling in a large fish" because the only large trout that have come past our doorstep have been the ones from our local fish monger, not our fishing lines. We still have a lot to learn about fishing.
In just a few days I start teaching my riding lessons and I am pretty sure I am totally overthinking this experience. Honestly, I would rather go work as an accountant/bookkeeper again and be bored and unfulfilled than be a bad riding instructor. In my heart I don't think I will be a bad riding instructor, but it is a huge fear of mine. Just like I was more willing to give up my dream of having kids than be a bad parent - and that seems to have turned out ok when I took the plunge and decided to do that. I just need to be realistic about what I know which is how to teach the absolute never-ridden beginners the very basics about balance and safety and horsemanship. It's not like I'm going to be claiming to teach dressage or any other discipline. Just very beginner basic horsemanship and balance and steering. I can do that.
I recently saw a woman riding a very nice looking horse and I thought, "Hmmm ... she doesn't know how to ride very well. But that's a nice horse." Then she did some stuff where I thought, "WTF? What are you doing to that horse??? Then the horse started freaking out and I thought she was going to get dumped but I felt so bad for the horse because he was freaking out over rider error and she was being really harsh with him. Finally, she just stopped riding (thank god). I was thinking that I was glad I wasn't still there in that "lack of education and trying to do stuff way beyond your abilities" space to end up in those situations. But I also wouldn't try to do upper level dressage stuff that is out of my league without Trainer K right there to coach me. I hoped this was an eye opener for this woman that she should stick to schooling at basic training level till she has more experience and education.
Then to my shock I found out she is a local trainer! Like trains horses and people in dressage! I looked her up and she has a loyal following of students and people who take her horses to her to be trained and everything! WTF? I hear about some pretty uneducated trainers - take the one that Maiden came from for instance. I get to see first hand what he did to her every day and try to undo that with Trainer K.'s help. But I've never seen one in person. And honestly, that is one of my greatest fears is I'm going to be one of those and am going to churn out a bunch of people who get really bad advice and are awful riders and awful to horses because of me. So, yeah, I'm totally overthinking my start of my own classes this Thursday. I think in reality it will be ok. I have Trainer K. and my co-workers to go to for advice and like with working with Rex - I'm not alone in this and I have a wealth of educated and experienced people to fall back on to help guide me in the right direction. And for that I am incredibly grateful.