Sunday, December 8, 2013

Canceling everything today

My daughter is sick so I'm canceling everything I had planned today.  I can't say I'm that disappointed about it because I'm looking forward to spending a day inside.  Well, except for when I go out to break up the ice off Girlfriend's water.  The tank heater I ordered from Amazon which it had said was estimated to be here by today at the latest has been upgraded to getting here next Friday.  Grrrr.  That means I have to drag myself out to Dayville and get one in person which is going to cost me twice as much.  But we can't keep it from freezing over all day unless we go out every hour with buckets of hot water and that's not practical.

I was dreading my full day of work yesterday in the sub-freezing temperatures but it went just fine.  In fact, the cold wasn't a problem.  That I woke up with a horrible headache that didn't go away all day and was accompanied by little momentary bouts of dizziness (which thankfully went away quickly) was more annoying.  But I wore many layers - ski pants, long underwear, a thermal shirt, thermal sweatshirt, fleece sweater and my ski coat, along with a scarf around my head, a wool hat and two pairs of gloves.  Surprisingly after an hour or so I was too hot and changed from my ski coat to my regular work coat.

I got the obligatory, "Oh my gaaaaawd! Are you wearing ski pants at the barn???" from some of the teen volunteers, but by mid-day when they were complaining about being cold I would walk by and say, "I am so warm ... I could stay out here all day!"  I imagine if they all weren't going to ride horses at some point that day they would've been wishing they were wearing ski pants too.  For those of you who don't ride horses, ski pants are extremely slippery and even those with the best balance are going to make their life miserable if they try to ride in them. Especially if they were riding in a slippery, leather English saddle.  It'd be like trying to balance on a round saw horse made of ice that kept tipping back and forth.  Or like trying to ride a horse in ski pants.

So, when one of my afternoon students - who conveniently was supposed to be riding my horse, Geir, didn't show up, the school's owner said, "Well, you have a few free minutes it looks like, go ride your horse."  Thankfully, I'd brought sweat pants with me and ran and changed and went out to ride my horse for about fifteen minutes before the next group class started.  We rode bareback because that's how he was tacked up and once again it was really good for me.  Second bareback ride since my accident in January and it's really helping my confidence.   Geir is not as big and wide as Jesse so it's not quite as non-scary and relaxing for those of us with some issues around riding bareback.  But we did very well and he has such a nice, smooth trot that we did fine with that too.  I couldn't help thinking while we were out there riding around and stretching our legs (which was helping my headache) "How many other jobs do you get to take a break by riding your horse?!"

My daughter had a stomach ache night before last but it mostly went away by morning and apparently was up and running around and eating a lot all day.   I had figured part of it was she got really upset watching the memorial episode of Glee for the actor who died.  I have to admit, it was pretty hardcore and had me crying too.  I'd warned her it was about death and would be really sad but she wanted to power through.  I figured with all the friends I've had who've died in my four decades of life a tv show was a lot easier education on death to prepare one for the real thing than actually experiencing the real thing without any exposure to it.  But it was still an extremely realistic episode which surprised me because well - it's Glee afterall.

Probably the most heart-wrenching scene was when Santana was singing a song for her ex-boyfriend, Finn and part way through the song she starts crying really hard and chokes out "I can't do this," and a couple of her friends come down to hug her and she says "No, no, I'm fine," and they keep trying to hug her and she starts screaming hysterically and runs out of the room.   I related to that far too much.  It reminded me of when the first of my best friends, Todd, died when I was 27 and how I was in such shock that when the girl who called me (who I couldn't stand) said, "I wanted you to know Todd Nelson died" I said, "Who?" and she said, "Todd ... Nelson?" and I said, "Who?" again and she said, "You know, Todd? Jon's friend?" and everything in me just shut down completely and I calmly said, "Ok."  And then finished the conversation like it was no big deal and the minute I hung up the phone I went completely hysterical and was crying and screaming and calling one of my friends but unable to talk so she just hung up the phone and came to my apartment.   It also reminded me of three years ago when another very close friend, Terrel died (this one wasn't such a shock because she had cancer but it was still devastating) and I couldn't go to the funeral.  I couldn't talk to anyone about it.  If anyone tried I got extremely angry.  In fact the day she died I didn't even want my husband around me, I just wanted to be at the barn with my horse and have everyone stay away from me and cry by myself.  Terrel's husband was angry with me for not going to the funeral and it wasn't until a year later that I explained to him what was going on and how I literally could not be around anyone talking about her for months because it hurt too much to stand.

But it turns out emotional stuff wasn't the cause of my daughter's stomach pains because it came back last night and she was also very nauseous and almost threw up a couple times.  So, off to the doctor we go since stomach pains are not something to mess with.

I had a local woman coming to meet Maiden today but it's probably for the best that we rescheduled because it is so cold out.  My friend in Montana would like her and I would like her to have her too, but I need to find out more about the place she'd be boarded (which may or may not have barbed wire which is a deal-breaker) and what the equestrian team is like at the school my friend is transferring to next year.  The equestrian team at her current school has an awful coach who makes the kids ride in draw reins and has no apparent understanding of proper training for horses and yanks their bodies around in a way that Maiden has already had to suffer and I won't make her suffer again.  So, we'll have to see what comes from that.  I'd feel safer with the local woman because she actually takes lessons from a woman I used to take lessons from.  But I'd need to check out that whole situation too.  It is very hard to part with her because she's been through so much and she's such a sweet girl I feel extremely protective of what happens to her the rest of her life.

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