Wednesday, December 4, 2013

I'm really not that nice ...

I took my daughter to the book fair yesterday after school because she'd made a wish list of books she wanted to buy with some of the money she'd earned working at pony camp last summer.  She was allowed to use half the money to buy stuff and had to put the other half in savings. 

Anyway, she was browsing the books and I was hanging out with the PTA moms that I never see anymore because I'm working and didn't even remember to join PTA this year.   They were asking where I'd been and I briefly explained, making sure not to say more than a couple sentences lest their eyes glaze over while I ramble on about horses.  Then they started talking about the universal favorite subject of PTA moms - dieting.  I feel very strongly about dieting and am about as anti-dieting as I am anti-anything.  I learned my lesson a few years ago when I did Jenny Craig to lose my extra 20 pounds from pregnancy and my hair and nails got really brittle and my skin got weird because of eating so much "fake food".  And a year after losing that twenty pounds I came down with subacute thyroiditis and gained 10 pounds back because of hypothyroid, then soon after getting over that broke my sacrum/back and gained 10 pounds lying around the house doing next to nothing for a few months.  So screw it.  No more dieting.  I'll just be healthy and make sure my pants still fit and otherwise I'm going to be 47 years old in a couple months - I really don't need frat boys (or overgrown middle age frat boys) thinking I'm hot.

I explained this to the PTA moms and they said how inspiring my attitude was.  But they still needed to diet.  To which I said (honestly) "No you don't.  You look fine.  Are you healthy? Is your cholesterol and blood pressure ok? Do you get exercise? Then you're fine.  You look great!" (they do - they're in their 40's also and a little chubby like me but certainly not fat by any means).  To which I got the "Ooooh, you're so sweet! Ooooh, isn't she nice! I want her around all the time!"  To which I said, "I'm really not nice at all." And they went back to talking about dieting and which one they're going to spend oodles of money on.

It amused me and horrified me at the same time.  It amused me because I'm really not that nice.  I have a very hard time putting on a poker face when someone is pissing me off and you should hear me go off to my husband when I'm pissed off at someone for doing what I deem to be "something stupid".   The last thing I'm going to do is tell a bunch of PTA moms they look good when they don't.  It made me feel very disconnected because I felt like shaking them and saying "Stop it! Go out and have some fun and enjoy life! Stop this ridiculous obsession with how you look!" 

In other news I have had minimal interest in Maiden from a couple people but nothing that is going to pan out.  I gave my notice for her to leave the barn she's boarded at at the end of the month and I guess worse case scenario I board her at the pasture where Girlfriend is living.  That will be problematic because there is really no where to ride if someone does decide to come meet her, but I don't know what else to do.  I'm hoping I didn't make a foolish choose buying Geir and now having three horses (which I really can't afford).  Of course, Geir is such a perfect family horse and it works so well keeping him at the school of course that makes sense.  And I don't think it helps that every time I'm with Maiden now I feel like crying because I love her so much and want to keep her too.  She really is the perfect horse just for me - it's just not practical anymore now that my daughter is older and riding just to have a horse for me and not her too.  Ah ... to be rich.  Or at least have property.  One day.  I just need to have faith that as long as I keep trying and keep my options open everything will turn out just fine.

I'm filling in for Miss T.  at work today because she is at a seminar for becoming an equine assisted therapist.  I'm vicariously excited for her and I can't wait to hear how it goes.  I am not excited to be teaching out in 20-something degree weather today. But I've got an unbelievable amount of layers of North Face clothes that I'm hoping will keep me warm.  Now all I need is a little nose-warmer to strap across my face and I think I'll be happy.  Maybe my kids won't show up because their moms will think it's too cold ... hmmm ...  probably not.  They're more likely to show up wearing nothing but a sweatshirt and I'll have to make them trot the whole time to keep them from getting hypothermia.  The kids that showed up at the bus stop in sweatshirts and shorts today blew my mind.  I don't understand this "I've got to show up this other guy on how stupid I can be" mentality of little boys.  I guess they're thinking "tough" while all us moms are thinking "stupid".

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